I knowww I know...I haven't written in here for an extremely long time-I'm becoming one of those people I despise because when I go to their xanga site there's nothing interesting to read about their depressing lives anymore.

But not to fear-I am here! And I'm CLEAN you bastards! Clean as a whistle-so if anybody's afraid, they need not be anymore now that I have the paperwork to prove it!

 So droogies, what's been happening the past month or so I've been absent from your life? Well....two weeks ago we celebrated Pancake's birthday! I probably gained five pounds from that fucking cake she gave us from Coldstone Creamery. They give you a chocolate cake as black as the Devil's arse and a peanut butter filling as creamy as the Devil's arse. Then they top it off with this thick black fudge that when melted, turned into a primordial soup or decadent artery-busters. And THEN we watched Interview With the Vampire. I had forgotten what an awesome movie that was! And for the ONE, count it, ONE time in my life I liked Brad Pitt's character. Even Tom Cruise was pretty good. Ahhh hahaha-but Christian Slater was the best-remember Danielle?! SLATER?!!

The Friday after THAT we yet again celebrated Nicole's Seventeenth birthday-even though she wasn't seventeen yet-heh. She, Jenny, Arielle and I went to Queens Center Mall-and Nicole and I ate Americanized Japanese food! This was also the fateful day where....

I pissed on my pants! I was trying my damnedest to squat over the disgusting toilet seats of our school bathroom, and I guess I didn't pull my pants down far enough, because my urine in a steady stream went right onto them. Ack-so I had to wear Nicole's pants for the rest of the day.

I am also working on a play entitled "The House of Bernarda Alba" in which I play the understudy to the cynical, ugly 24-year old character of Martirio, the understudy stage-left page, prop lady, and poster maker. Regardless of all that's been mentioned-I basically just sit there and do homework with Nicole, Jenny, and Michelle.

I have also discovered Poison. The first time I listened to them I thought they kind of sucked, but upon listening to the Greatest Hits CD of theirs (I always get those when listening to a new band) for the third time, I really liked them.

Liz

Do you ever get the feeling that there's some sort of deadly spore procreating in the depths of your stomach...weaving itself through you in a threadlike fashion...clutching at every single nerve in your body? Forcing it to release that doom-laiden adrenaline rush through your system...yet there is nothing necessarily exciting going on? Instead you are wallowing in your own little pit of sorrow, but cannot confide in your parents or trusting adults..(coach, orthodontist, creepy teacher) because you would immediately be looked down upon for the reasons of your angst and inner turmoil? That feeling that whirs through you, that nags you to pay attention to it even when you're having the time of your life? That feeling that if what you're thinking is true...you'd rather just escape to Europe like Roman Polanski and get treated at a cool, Polish medical facility?

That's how I feel right now. :(

Valentine's Day is approaching my liddle butterballs, and here is a list of the presents and meaningful little trinkets I plan to give to one of you lucky ladies..

1) Chocolates with a weird taste to them because all of the cocoa butter has seeped up and through to the outside, giving it a sort of beige complexion.

2) A fluffy teddybear carrying a heart that is infact turns evil when you press the button, expecting a happy little tune to come forth from it.

3) A pumping, throbbing, bloody pig's heart enveloped in foil shaped like a swan.

4) Urea Delight Champagne...aged for 10 years.

5) The "Shit Bitch, you is fine" bear from The Onion.

6) Candy hearts made up of carefully shaped, dyed cocaine rocks.

7) Lacy lingerie DRIPPING with herpes.

8) Flowers that are closed and when they open killer bees fly out of them.

9) A diamond necklace made out of shards of glass.

10) ME!

Happy D-day, I uh, mean...V-Day...

Currently Playing The Lost Boys: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack By Various Artists see related

- I Still Believe

I met the world's next greatest filmmaker. He is extremely intelligent and difficult-a perfect combination. However, he also makes a wonderful headrest. :)

The rest of this week and the one preceding that were extremely boring otherwise, save for the viewing of Blade Runner, Mommie Dearest,  and The Terminator. Ahhhh-I love that movie! And it has great eighties music.

Speaking of eighties music, I just today received my Amazon.com order of The Lost Boys Movie Soundtrack. A good amount of good songs on that.

I was on the train today and this guy was looking at me funny. I ignored him and his scarred face, however, and proceeded to look through my CDs to pick out one to listen to. Soon he hisses in a delighted voice, "Hey! Motley Crue! Great band!" I responded with a smile, "Yeah-they're very nice.." He went on to ramble about how Motley Crue and other such bands were mere accompaniments to the myriad drugs he consumed. All I could do was smile and look down and away as much as possible. Then the doors opened and hark! Twas my escape. Personally I think he was more interested in turning on our nation's youth to pot one kid at a time...

10 TIPS TO MEETING GUYS: (A Sincere Approach)

1) Always use scented deuche: you'll get infected but at least you'll smell divine when you two decide to eat out.

2) Have an assortment of at least twenty g-strings and thongs. Super-wedgeass a must.

3) Sultriness shows up best behind colored contacts. Stare between him and his cock so he gets the message.

4) Your tone of voice should be one of idiocy, confusion, and disgust. He'll get a kick out of throwing you around.

5) Always keep handy a flask of alcohol and a matching one for him in order to loosen things up a bit.

6) Get a mohawk or go bald.

7) Wear a skirt that shows off at least three inches of your gluteus maximus and all of your lovehandles for increased whoopie action.

8) Eat McDonalds, gum, and Starbucks in front of him to show that you're overpriced, quick and fat.

9) Hard to get is for fags-show him all you've got: pimples, nipples, cellulite, vulva, and more.

10) Suck his dick in the lunchroom, in the closet, whatever's easiest for him.

And remember kids, be yourself.